Week of August 17, 2003

The Quiz Has A Dream

Five years ago, a great Quizenberry, in whose symbolic ‘stache we bow, signed the 5 year contract. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of ‘stache wearers who had been seared in the flames of the Quiz’s ginger locks. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of envy. But five years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Quiz is still not free.

Five years later, the life of the Quiz is still sadly crippled by the manacles of Stauder and the chains of his contract. Five years later, the Quiz’s stache lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of clean shaven-ness. Five years later, the Quiz is still languishing in middle relief and finds himself an exile from his own closer status.

So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to Pittsburgh to cash a check. When the lawyers of the CDL wrote the magnificent words of the Rules and the Contract Extension gobbledygook, they were signing a promissory note to which every Quiz was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all Quizzes would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of a big ‘stache. It is obvious today that Stauder has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her Quiz is concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, Stauder has given the Quiz a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of the CDL.

So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of the majestic ‘stache and the security of a hairy lip. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind the CDL of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of being without the Quiz to the sunlit path lit by his radiant ‘stache. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of the Quizzes children. Now is the time to lift the CDL from the quicksands of Quiz injustice to the solid rock of ‘stache-hood.

It would be fatal for the CDL to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Quiz. This sweltering summer of the Quiz’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and series victories. Nineteen eighty-eight is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Quiz needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the CDL returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in the CDL until the Quiz is granted his ‘stache demands and rights.

The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of the CDL until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my luscious hair that stands on the warm threshold of my upper lip. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of splitting hairs. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for a ‘stache by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our ‘stache struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our ‘stache protest to degenerate into physical violence and beanballs. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with ‘stache force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Quiz must not lead the Quiz to distrust of all Owners, for many of Owners, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with the Quiz’s destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to the Quiz’s freedom ‘stache.

The ‘stache cannot walk alone. And as the ‘stache walks, the Quiz must make the pledge that the Quiz shall march ahead. The Quiz cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of the Quiz, "When will he be satisfied?" The Quiz can never be satisfied as long as his ‘stache, heavy with the fatigue of looking SO DAMN FINE, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. The Quiz cannot be satisfied as long as the ‘stache’s basic mobility is from a smaller lip to a larger one. The Quiz can never be satisfied as long as the Quiz in San Francisco cannot pitch and the Quiz in New York believes he has nothing for which to pitch. No, no, the Quiz is not satisfied, and the Quiz will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

The Quiz is not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for a ‘stache left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of razor brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to San Francisco, go back to Atlanta, go back to Houston, go back to Milwaukee, go back to the bullpens and outfields of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let the Quiz not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my Owners, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, the Quiz still has a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the CDL dream.

The Quiz has a dream that one day e CDL will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these ‘staches to be self-beautiful: that all ‘staches are created equal." The Quiz has a dream that one day on the red mounds of St Louis the sons of former Quizzes and the sons of former Owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Texas, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression and lack of ‘staches, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice and facial hair. The Quiz has a dream that the Quiz will one day live in a CDL where they will not be judged by the color of their ‘stache but by the content of their lip locks. The Quiz has a dream today.

The Quiz has a dream that one day the state of Minnesota, whose Groenings lips are presently dripping with the words of world and series, will be transformed into a situation where little Groening boys and girls will be able to join hands with little Quizes and walk together from the bullpen. The Quiz has a dream today. The Quiz has a dream that one day every ‘stache shall be exalted, every goatee and soul patch shall be made low, the sideburns will be made plain, and the beards will be made straight, and the glory of the Quiz shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is the Quiz’s hope. This is the faith with which the Quiz returns to the Bucs. With this faith the Quiz will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith the Quiz will be able to transform the jangling discords of the CDL into a beautiful symphony of ‘stache-dom. With this ‘stache we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free to have a ‘stache.

This will be the day when all of the Quiz’s children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My CDL of thee, sweet land of Steve Busby, of thee I sing. Land where Jim Palmer died, land of the Groenings pride, from every banner side, let world series ring." And if the CDL is to be a great league, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the Green Monster of Boston. Let freedom ring from the House that Ruth Built in New York. Let freedom ring from the sterile ashtray of Philadelphia! Let freedom ring from the ivy vines of Wrigley! Let freedom ring from the cool expanse of Dodger Stadium! But not only that; let freedom blow from Candlestick Park! Let freedom ring from Shea Stadium! Let freedom echo from every girder of the Kingdome. From every bleacher seat, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every locker room and every stinky urinal, from every bullpen and every press box, we will be able to speed up that day when all of the Quiz’s children, orange ‘staches, deep brown ‘staches, blond ‘staches, white ‘staches, black ‘staches auburn ‘staches, ginger ‘staches, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Quiz spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank Quiz Almighty, we are free at last!"

With all due respect to Martin Luther King

Volume 33 of the ATR Report

The ATR keeps bringing the trades analysis for your pleasure.

Houston receives P Mike Scott
Oakland receives P Bud Black and Houston’s first round Amateur draft choice in 1989.

Bud Black is worthless…his mention in this analysis is over.

The question now becomes what is more valuable an older pitcher with a great deal of talent, but limited results or a first round pick of a team on the rise?

Mike Scott is a fine pitcher, with excellent ratings in all categories. However, Scott has never really delivered on his talent, with his best season coming in an Astro uniform in the early 80s. To acquire him, the Astros sent a first round pick to the As. It’s a fair price for a solid pitcher with good upside and if the Astros were going to compete this season, they needed another pitcher to stick towards the top of the rotation, like Mike Scott.

You know, sometimes both teams make a deal that favors both of them and this is another example of that. Both teams added something that helped them in the direction they were headed.

Winner: Oakland (the pick has more utility and flexibility)

Los Angeles receives 3B Matt Williams
Chicago (A) receives P Jose Rijo and Milwaukee’s second round Amateur draft choice in 1989.

A swap of two of the better prospects in the CDL. Matt Williams is a potential middle of the order hitter and a quality shortstop. By quality, I mean he can stand there and occasionally catch a ground ball. In the alternative, he will be a very good third baseman. Aside from his light tower power, Williams has some offensive deficiencies, including a lack of either great on-base or batting average skills.

To acquire Williams, the Dodgers parted with a talented young arm in Rijo and a decent draft pick in Milwaukee’s second rounder. Rijo has a great arm, but has been in the minors for five seasons already. He can do everything except prevent hits. If he is put in front of a good defense, he could do his rich man’s Bob Tewksbury of San Diego impression. That’s a pretty good pitcher. Another year of seasoning and he should be ready for the Show.

Neither player is without his warts, but both should make an impact on the CDL in some manner. I think Rijo has the chance to make the bigger impact, but Williams is more likely to make an impact. The pick is what really sways this deal in favor of the White Sox.

Congratulations Angel, you are probably the first manager to join the CDL since the ATR has begun not to have his head and ass handed to him in his first deal. You should be very proud of yourself.

Winner: Chicago (A)

Boston receives P Peter Falcone
Cincinnati receives DH Jim Dwyer and Boston’s second and third round Amateur draft choices in 1989.

Well, this is a deal that is a prime example of new CDL economics. If the Reds don’t make an extra $9,000,000 above the salary cap to release Jim Dwyer with, they will have lost the payroll flexibility that allows a team to add a few good men and remold a team.

Falcone is a fine pitcher and if Boston needed one thing this season, it was some fine pitching. Dwyer was an impulse buy for a team that was long on hitting and short on pitching. Getting Falcone and dumping Old Man Dwyer’s contract for the cost of two late round late picks is pure genius. It is moves like this one that keep the Red Sox perpetually in contention.

If the Reds can dump Dwyer after the season, this deal won’t look so bad and the haul of two picks will help them replenish to take on the Cards and Pirates, who look to be the class of the division for quite a few years.

Winner: Boston

Cincinnati receives P Jeff Robinson
Kansas City receives C Bill Fahey

The Reds redeem themselves by getting something young and potentially useful for an old catcher. The Royals, who have never been named a legitimate playoff contender, add an old catcher who has seen his best days. Just doesn’t make sense for the Royals. Yes, they have some nice arms. Yes, they needed a better catcher than Terry Kennedy. Yes, Fahey is a better catcher than Terry Kennedy. But next season, Fahey will be old…and old catchers rarely make the difference for a team. Fahey hasn’t even played in the Bigs for the Royals…why, oh why did the Royals make this deal. (Perhaps Ritter needs a new friend in the slot of ATR Whipping Boy.)

Winner: Cincinnati

Houston receives RF Mike Davis
Kansas City receives C Benito Santiago

The Astros strike again. Trading some of their younger chits in for older players who fill holes in their lineup. After acquiring a starting pitcher, the Astros saw they could use an outfielder, despite having more outfielders than zoos have animals. Perhaps they could start a tour, come see the longest, uninterrupted string of mediocre outfielders anywhere. Look kids, there’s Dwayne Murphy and over there is Tony Scott. Dad, can we go see Jim Tracy. Sure, kids, why not?

Unfortunately, outfielders aren’t like robots that you can mix and match the best pieces of to make one decent one, no matter how hard you try. So, the Astros traded for a pre-made solid outfielder. Mike Davis isn’t a great player, but he’s a fine fielder and has a solid, but potent bat.

To acquire him, the Astros gave up Benito Santiago. Santiago is young, but experienced, having been in the Majors since 1986. Despite a fair amount of success, he has joined Fahey in AAA in Kansas City. Santiago will probably never be an All-Star, but a lot of teams put worse catchers out there on a daily basis. He should be a solid player, but nothing special.

Winner: Houston

August rookies of the month announced!

Milwaukee's Edgar Martinez laid claim to his 3rd rookie of the month award hitting .330 with 9 doubles, 21 RBI, and 20 walks. For the season, Edgar is hitting .350 with 30 doubles, 63 RBI, and a .434 on base percentage.

Also considered were Kansas City's Glenn Davis (.274, 6 HRs, 22 RBI), Cleveland's Randy Johnson (4-2, 3.06 ERA), and Boston's Jeff Sellers (1-2, 3.09 ERA).

In the National league, Philadelphia's David Cone was named rookie of the month although he had plenty of competition for the award. He went 4-1 with a 2.45 ERA and is 7-2 with a 2.82 ERA for the season. Cone was Philadelphia's first round selection, 6th overall, in the 1986 draft.

Also considered were San Francisco's Bob Sebra (3-1, 2.42 ERA), St. Louis' Kevin Mitchell (.320, 5 HRs, 16 RBI), San Francisco's Shane Mack (.321, 3 HRs, 17 RBI), Los Angeles' Stan Javier (.317, 33 hits), and Montreal's Lenny Dykstra (.315, 2 HRs, 12 RBI).

July rookies of the month announced!

Baltimore's Jeff Blauser was named the rookie of the month for July. Blauser his .391 with 4 doubles, 3 triples, 2 HRs, and drove in 10 RBI. For the season, Blauser is hitting .282 with 11 HRs, 57 RBI, and a .356 on base percentage. He was selected by Baltimore with their 25th overall pick in the first round in the 1987 draft.

Also considered were Milwaukee's Edgar Martinez (.352, 1 HR, 7 RBI), Kansas City's hard luck SP Greg Maddux (1-4, 2.59 ERA), and Chicago's Kevin Blankenship (3-1, 3.50 ERA).

In the National league, Montreal's Lenny Dykstra collected his 2nd rookie of the month in a close race with Los Angeles' Stan Javier. Dykstra hit .357 for the month, with 6 doubles, 2 HRs, 9 RBI, an impressive .471 on base percentage, and a 1.019 OPS.

Besides Javier (.357, 3 HRs, 14 RBI), Philadelphia's John Rabb (.310, 7 doubles, 11 RBI), and Philadelphia's David Cone (3-1, 3.26 ERA).

New Look Cubs

The Who must have had the current Chicago Cubs lineup in mind when they asked the question "Who are you you?" At least that's what the North Side faithful are asking when they're not busy calling for the head of GM Chris Hansen.

After a 103 win season in 1985, the Cubs have suffered from two consecutive sub-90 win seasons resulting in two third place finishes, and this was unacceptable for one of the dominant teams of the late 70's and early 80's. Following last season's dissapointing 86-76 season, (disapointing by Cubs standards) GM Chris Hansen announced it was time to rebuild the team which was once the most feared in the NL.

The rebuilding process started shortly after draft day when the Cubs announced a blockbuster deal with interleague rivals, the Pittsburgh Pirates, which sent 2x MVP Dale Murphy and the Cubs 1990 2nd round pick to Stauder's Pirates for P Bobby Thigpen, and the Pirates next two first rounders and a 1990 3rd rounder.

Next to go was 2B Julio Cruz who went packing to Houston for two 3rd round picks. Not a blockbuster, but there was no doubt now the direction being taken by the management.

Then the two deals at the deadline put the rebuidling process in full swing as the Cubs moved legend Cecil Cooper back to San Francisco for a minor league pitcher. Ok, so this deal wasn't much of anything as Coop is WELL past his prime, but it did shed $2M in contract cost to be spent on FA's in the off season.

Finally, the last big move was with LA as the Cubs sent AS Catcher Gary Carter to Hollywood along with the Cubs #2 pick in 89 for SP Jamie Moyer, the Dodger's #1 pick in 1990 and their 4th round pick in 1989. Again, a huge move as Carter is 34 and he's locked up till he's 37 in a substantial contract.

From the 85 team which won 103 games, the only every day positional starters still on the club are 3B Terry Pendleton and SS Alan Trammell. The starting five pitchers are all totally different. This is truely a team in rebuild mode.

But "Woo Woo" is still in the stands!

Comments from the Bay Area

Giants owner, Chuck Groening, has brought in former slugger and the heart of the Giants lineup from the 70's in Cecil Cooper. Cooper is 38 years old and barely registers any ratings at al but will platoon with Leon Durham and Dan Ford at first base for the rest of the year....This is pure nostalgia...To get Cooper, the Giants gave up 30 year old pitcher, Len Whitehouse, a long time minor leaguer with no ability whatsoever to get the ball over the plate consistenly.

Cooper may be joined by former star pitcher and now coach, Al Hrabosky. Hrabosky, one of the first draft picks of the 20 year old CDL, was offered a minor league contract by the club after the team traded away 3 of their four starting pitchers and the fourth went down with a season ending injury. Len Barker, a 33 year old life time minor leaguer has taken over as staff ace and, so far, produced good numbers. Hrabosky, should he decide to sign, would fill in as a fifth starter in the rotation.

Former stars, John Fulgham and Darryl Strawberry, were both traded after making outragious salary demands. Strawberry ended up in St. Louis while Fulgham signed for an incredible 17 mill per year in Boston. The Giants management, in response, took their pictures out of the team yearbook and have forbidden any of the players to even mention their names...unless to say something not very nice...

There were rumors around the league that Giants management, in response to their need for pitching, offered their entire club to Kansas City for Greg Maddux. Both Frank and Chuck denied any such discussion.

With both the Dodgers and the Astros surprising the now younger Giants in the race for the pennant, Giants owner, chuck Groening, has requested the Giants be moved to the central division where they would face the.....oh..never mind..

There is no truth to the rumor that the atr knows nothing about baseball and ootp5, though that nasty bit of gossip has also been making the rounds around the league. In fact, I even defended the atr against those who would suggest he never does his research, spents too much time dissing particular owners, never finds anything good to say about some owners, never looks beyong the obvious in a trade, never actually reads the ratings pages, never looks at the players bio's, never plays fast and lose with the truth, was never mentioned in fbi reports that looked at who killed kennedy...well, okay, i started the rumor about kennedy..but the rest is just not true, damn it....

Rumblings are going on in the city by the bay about getting a new stadium...and no, those rumblings are not an earthquake...

With the CDL in its 20th year, the giants will be putting out a 20 question test for all those owners out there...first price will be receiving the key to the city...

the city of san fran....